Calm day today

I just going to take it easy today. It is sunny outside, but really cold. Have not done much funny and interesting stuff these last days, but that is all going to change next week. Of to work outside the home februari 3.
But I have still to take care of my mother when she is in the temporary housing for the sick and elderly. And take care of her cat.
Hope she get better soon.
Photo: Agneta Nisbeth.

Snow Angels - Part 7

Maybe all this was just a big misunderstanding or a joke. Yes! I bet someone had come up with the idea of a prank. I lit up just a bit.

Maybe there even was a film camera somewhere? Any second now someone will come in the room and explain it all. And soon I would be back in my apartment in New York.

Then I came back to the horrific reality. I was living somebody else life just now.

“I am sorry, that is not me, my name is not Melanie, I am Catherine.” I said, but I was not even sure if I did believe myself anymore.

“Honey, this is you. The woman I married, the woman I love.”

He showed me the license again. It was the same face on the photo that I saw in the mirror earlier this morning. My hair was black and maybe ever shorter than it was now.

But in the same time, it was not me, Catherine. I was sure of that.

Bill approached me and put his arm around my waist. Then he kissed me on the top of my head.
“Why don’t we eat some breakfast, you have to be starving as long as you have been sleeping”

I nodded, but felt no hunger what so ever.

Bill made some coffee and then started to make us something to eat. I sat down at the kitchen table with the purse. I opened it and looked inside.
There was not much in it. Except for the wallet there was some make up, paper tissues, a mirror with rhinestones and a very small and very pink phone.

“What is this?” I asked.
“It’s your cell, your cellphone babe. How do you like your eggs?”
“Scrambled if that’s ok”

I suddenly remembered that I now was in 2010, maybe people had phones this small and their handbags now days.
“How do you use them?” I asked.

First he just looked strange at me, then smiled.
“Your last memory was 1997, I remember now. The one you had back then were nothing like this, time really goes fast.”

He took the pan from the stove and approached me. The coffee maker started to rumble a bit and it told us the coffee was ready to serve and the wonderful aroma spread in the room.

Bill then lifted the phone from my hand and showed me how to work it. It was so easy, wish I had one back then in New York.

But when I started to look in to it he said:
“Now it is time to eat. You can do all that later”

I must admit that when I sat down there at the table and saw all the things he had laid up there I felt really hungry, like I had not eaten in 13 years.

Royal Wedding

This summer it will be a royal wedding in Sweden. Our beautiful crownprincess Victoria will wed Daniel Westling in Stockholm june 19. She is a really nice person, easy to talk to and truly charming.
As a journalist we will have a lot to do around that date, so you can expect me to write more about it when we approach the wedding day.
Photo: www.hotgossip.se

Talking TV

I just love to watch TV since I was a kid. For the moment I actually prefer to watch TV in the comfort of my home, then going out to watch a movie.
And these days there are so many good shows on TV. The one's I watch just now are Burn Notice, In Plain Sight, Royal Pains, The Mentalist, NCIS, Two and a half men, House, Lie To Me and some reality-shows like Project Runway and Americas Next Top Model and talk shows like Oprah and Ellen.

Just now I try to write on of my own, but it is really much more difficult than one can think. Once upon a time a was an actor and did both stage and film/TV. Not much, and I was not good enough and did not have enough stamina to continue, but it was a good place to learn abot the craft. And that really comes in handy when you write a good dialogue. So I will really try...
Photo: Agneta Nisbeth

Snow Angels - Part 6

“What?”
“Your name is Melanie Ladoga”
“What? How…”
In that moment I remember the helmets in the closet. William Ladoga, “Wild Bill”.
I just could not say anything, it was like a black cloud darkened my vision and heart.

What have happened to me? I tried to talk:
“My name is definitely not Melanie.”

I could feel my tears pouring up in my eyes again. But I did not want to look weak so I tried to be calm and sensible. This whole mess had to have some explanation.
“I just want to go home”
“This is your home. We were married yesterday, honey. You don’t remember that either, do you?”

I just shook my head.
“We are not married! And I have never…

I fell silent and then said:
“I must have a drivers license in my purse. I do have a purse, don’t I?”
“Of course” He said and went up to look.

After some searching in the room he gave up.
“You must have left IT in the living room or something, but you normally leave it here in the bedroom. You are very fussy about your purse” He said and looked at me with a weak smile.

I smiled back. That was something that I could relate to. I have always been very fussy about a lot of things in my life and my purse and credit cards was definitely some of them.

“I assume your name is Bill then? I saw some helmets with that name in the closet.”
“You are so right, William Ladoga if we are to be precise. Let’s go out in the living room to have a look then”

He went out of the room, still wearing nothing but the towel. But I did not dare to say anything about that just now.

It was a spacious room, and nicely decorated, if you liked that sort of furniture. It was the shabby chic type of everything, except the big black sofa in leather. It looked brand new and it was probably very expensive. On the floor under the sofa I saw an antique oriental rug. This guy was not poor.

We both looked everywhere but could not find the purse. I did find a beautiful sweater that I guessed was mine, and another pair of high heel sandals. They where not his so I assumed they belonged to me.

“We have to look in the kitchen too. You used to be there a lot.”
“I used to be in the kitchen, did I cook?” I asked in surprise.
“Yes, at the beginning you were here all the time. Then, well, a bit less…” He said with a bit of sadness.

The kitchen was a truly beautiful place. It was old fashioned and super modern in the same time. Two of the walls where painted in lime green and the rest retained its brick walls.

“Here it is!” He said triumphantly and held up a nice little purse in light pink leather.
I did not say a word. That was not my purse.

He opened it and took out a black wallet and opened it.
“Here it is.” He said and showed up my driving license.

It said to read, Melanie Ladoga. Born: May 12,1974.
The date was the same as mine, but not the name.

The beautiful island of Capri

If you ever go to the south of Italy, do not miss to visit the beautiful island of Capri, just outside Naples. But don't just go for a day-trip. Stay the night and relax. Then most of the turist have left the island and it is just us sleep-over tourists, some rich and famous. Sophia Loren has a villa here.
I have had the luxury to been able to live here for some weeks, then and now. I have italian friends here, with lovely homes where I so generously can stay in. I have mostly been living up in the charming town of Anacapri. Not so snobbish as Capri down below.
This photo is taken from the lovely garden Giardini di Augusto, stunning wiew over the faraglioni, the cliffs in the picture. It is one of my own favorites, if I can say so. But it is easy to take good photos in such a beautiful place.
Photo: Agneta Nisbeth

Lite på svenska

Jag måste väl skriva några rader även på svenska, har startat denna blog för alla människor jorden över som kanske skulle vilja läsa vad jag skriver. Svenska är ju det språk jag skriver på dagligen på vår sajt hotgossip.se, men då om kändisar mestadels. Har också skrivit en historia som jag lagt ut på nätet för alla att läsa. Den heter Mitt liv som katt och ligger under mitt namn på sajten www.kapitel1.se
Om ni har lust, ta en titt!

On top of the world

Here you have two other photos, from many years ago. Me on the top of the world, or at least the pyramids of Giza, Cairo. It was a really long way up, but a real horror to go down again.
What a fantastic view!

Snow Angels - Part 5

At the same time I sat my self down on the bed to get a grip of the situation the blue-eyed man came out from bathroom. Thankfully he now had a towel around his waist. He had just showered, and he’s body was still all wet. He smiled at me.
I tried to smile back.

He had a nice tanned, muscular body. I had to admit that. So very different from the other men I usually ended up in bed with. They were more corporate types, men in suits. Men with style.

“Babe, why are you looking so confused? Let’s go back to bed and have some fun, so we can recoup some of what we missed yesterday”

“Absolutely not! I just want to go home, now!
Unfortunately I started to cry in the same time I said that.
I threw myself flat on the bed. When it pours it pours. I just could not stop my sobbing.

“What is the matter? Why are you so sad? Have I done something wrong?” He asked really soft.

“Please let me leave!” I sat up now.

Now he crept into bed beside me and put his arm around me. That did not stop me from sobbing either. But it made me feel a little calmer, strangely enough. I was not that scared anymore but I felt a sadness that I had never experienced before.

“I do not remember anything”

“What don’t you remember?”

“Anything. I don’t remember you, this place, anything. I don’t even remember myself in this way! I would never, ever have got me these tattoos for example. I hate tattoos.” I said and pointed at my ankles.

In that same moment I remember that his body was covered with one big eagle and some other more unknown symbols. But Bill seemed not to bother about my remark, he just smiled.

This was just so surreal. I looked at him, and the man seemed genuinely surprised. He caressed me tenderly on the cheek, wiped my tears away.

“I will make you remember myself, if you just let me” Bill teased.
But when he saw me crying again, he softly asked:
“Please tell me what is wrong, and I will fix it. I promise”

“Everything is wrong”
“I don’t understand?”

“I am sorry, but I don’t remember anything, anything” I sobbed.
He remained silent but looked really concerned now.

“Really? Nothing about me, I am that uninteresting?” He joked. But when he saw my worried face he said:
“What do you remember then?”

“It is 2010 now isn’t it?”
“Yes it is”

“Then not much. The last thing I remember I was going to a party in New York, and that 1997. Can I really forget about my whole life, just like that, for 13 years?”

“That I don’t know. Are you sure that you do not remember anything else. Do you remember your name?”

For the first time I smiled a bit. That I did know for sure.

“My name is Catherine Dobson”
The blue-eyed man suddenly looked very sad.
“I am very sorry to say this, but it’s not.”

More travel photos - from Nepal

I have to share with you this picture from the totally awesome trip I did some years ago to Nepal.

Here I stand on a mountain overlooking the entire Himalayan mountain ranges. Clearly impressive, but it was the thin air up there, I remember, hard to breath.

But so amazing and soooo beautiful.

And here is one photo of me in Kathmandu - thinking about life in general. The trip to Nepel was really a humbling experience. I did learn so much there 3 weeks there. Love to come back one day.

Photo: Nicola Chessa

Snow Angels - Part 4

The naked man from the bed just walked in to the bathroom, stopped at me and gave me a kiss on the cheek, and then he said:
“You really slept for long this time. I was actually a bit worried for you.”

The man besides me had the bluest eyes I have ever seen. It was like they could look just through me. But strangely enough I did not feel really scared. Even if he were completely nude and I had not the faintest idea of who he was.
Or who I was for that matter.

Oh God! I suddenly realized that I also stood there in the nude, together with a complete stranger. I immediately grabbed a towel and wrapped it around me.

“Why so shy all of a sudden? He said with a big smile.

“I tend not to be naked in front of a complete stranger.” I said and aimed for the door.

“Complete stranger is a bit of a stretch. But I must say you really do look good naked, honey”
He responded and went for the toilet

When I closed the door behind me he shouted:
“Why such A hurry? Maybe we can take a shower together later?”
“I don’t think so!”

This is just too absurd, for even imagine in a dream. I now I have to live it!

I have to get dressed and leave as soon as possible. Where could I have left the rest of my clothes? I can’t go out in the silk dress I slept in, it looks really horrible now.
Hope I find more of my clothes somewhere.

My headache was at least getting better but I still felt like a train wreck. There where two more doors to the room. I tried one. It was a rather big walk in closet.
I lit the lamp on the ceiling and went in for a look.

On one side there were a lot of jeans, jackets, overalls and t-shirts, and on the other side some racecar helmets with the text written in gold print, William “Wild Bill” Ladoga. And then there were an eagle spreading it wings over the name.
There were also some hats of different types and a lot of shoes, most serious boots and various kinds of sneakers.

No dresses or skirts so far, and no shoes for women. This was definitely not my home. Maybe I had brought a bag with me, or something like that?

There was also a wardrobe in the closet so I opened it. But the only thing I could find was men underwear, socks and t-shirts. I returned to the bedroom.

Then I went looking around in the room, but no bag or other stuff that could be mine, just one pair of women shoe’s, in my size but they where not my style at all, these where really high-heeled. So I guess they had to be mine.

Why had I changed so much? I now seamed to live with a man I would never even look at in New York. And he talked to me like we have known each other for some time. I obviously had cut my already short her and dyed it black. Then I had for some reason got me two tattoos on my ankles.

What on earth have happened to me?

My mother's artwork

Just wanted to share another piece of summer with you. This time a piece of artwork, that my mother made some years ago. Reminds me of long nice dont-do-anything holdays.
Photo: Agneta Nisbeth

Snow Angels - Part 3

13 years had passed, obviously. But how come I do not remember a single thing about anything in between? What had happen to me, where am I?

This is just a long, really long nightmare.

A big wave of sadness, grief and sorrow hit me like a tsunami. I had to sit down. The bed looked like a good choice. It was soft and nice, just what I needed now. What if I went to sleep again maybe I could wake up in my apartment.

I lied down in the bed and it felt good to close my eyes again. I tried to remember the party that obviously happened 13 years ago. The only thing I could remember was the walk with Janice that Liza and her boyfriend greeted us welcome.

I think I remember that I ate some homemade tacos and enchiladas and that I drank some drinks with umbrellas and a lot of Mexican beer. What if someone drugged me? And then kidnapped me away to this place, wherever I am? Maybe this half naked man besides me did all that? Should I be afraid?

Perhaps I had repressed it all, because it was too painful to remember? Or maybe I had some kind of accident? I heard of people loosing their memory.

My mom and dad where dead and I did not have any siblings, but I can just imagine what Janice would think if she saw me now, in bed with a complete stranger?

And where was Janice now, still in Manhattan? Maybe she also lost her memory, or does she think I am dead?

I went up again and went for the bathroom. I did not feel relaxed in the bed anyway. Better go and check on myself again. Look for signs on my body, maybe I even had stretch marks after giving birth to a baby? That would REALLY make my day.

At least it was a nice bathroom, it looked comfy in a strange way. Like a place I would have chosen to build. At least in my dreams, I could never ever afford a place like this. My tiny apartment in Queens was rented.

I approached the mirror again, but not without hesitation. Now I did now that I had to have changed in these years, but why had I dyed my hair black?
I recognized my eyes, my nose and neck, but it was still not really MY old face. At least what I remember. Maybe I had a facelift?

Then I looked down on my body and decided to take of my luxury silk dress that I had saved for month to buy and that now just was a mess.
My body looked familiar, maybe the breast was a tiny bit bigger and I could not find any stretch marks, thank God! So hopefully I don’t have any kids. But when I saw my wrists I screamed! I had two tattoos, one of barbed wire wound around my ankles.

“So you are up now babe. It was a really though nite, don’t Ya think?”
The man from the bed was now standing in the doorway. But he was not really half naked. He was completely nude.

Winter

This is just a pic of how we celebrate winter and christmas in Sweden. It can be beautiful, I know. But is also cold and dark, this period of the year.
Photo: Agneta Nisbeth

Snow Angels - Part 2

The room suddenly started to feel really cold. I raised me up and went directly to the window and looked out. Even if I tried I couldn’t see anything that’s looked familiar to me. I have never been here before in my life!

How the hell did I finished up here? And where was I?

It was a really nice view, if I had chose it, witch I haven’t.
The lake was frozen and all white with snow. It all looked like a Christmas card.

My head started to pound even more. I needed some painkillers real quick.
Maybe my mystery bed pal had some in the drawer placed under the washbowl?

But when I washed my hands I got another BIG surprise.
I looked in the mirror and saw a face I did not recognize!
My eyes looked the same, but that was about it. My nicely cropped, blond hair was now really short, and black…

I had never colored my hair before, except for some blond highlights last year.
It all felt so surreal. It was like a crazy dream. Maybe it was a dream? If I lied down in the bed and went to sleep again I would wake up in my own apartment.
God, I want my own life back!

I started to wash my hands, and looked down on them. There was a ring on my left hand, like I was engaged or married. I felt nauseous.
After some serious throwing up I went back on my search for the painkillers. And when I opened the drawer I found more than I could ask for.

There was a minor pharmacy there, some with prescriptions other just over the counter meds.
Two Aspirin and a glass of water later I went back to the bedroom.

I decided too look closer at the man in the bed. He was still at sleep, and still snoring. He did not show all his body but it really looked that he was nude.
How the h-l could I have shared a bed with this man? He was not my type at all, shaved head, tattoos and it seamed that he had been a lot in the gym. HIS arm muscles were bulging. Yuck!

I went around the bed and looked out the window. To the right there was a garage, to the left another house, a modern villa. And just below my window there was a children’s playground.
Please! Don’t say that I have children now?

It was all so strange that I started to laugh. I am going insane!

On the nightstand besides the muscular male was a book and a magazine with Hillary Clinton on the cover
What has Bills wife done now? Got a divorce? What could possibly a presidents wife have done to be on the cover of Newsweek?

I picked it up. But when I read it better I had to sit down again. It said she was The Secretary of State, but that was not all. The date of the magazine was 2010. I went to a party 1997.

Snow Angels - Part 1

I will now show you a story that I started to write some days ago, also published at http://blogfictionshortstories.blogspot.com/2010/01/snow-angels.html
Hope you like it!



It is always difficult to wake up after a long night partying. But this morning felt extra hard, my head was pounding and I felt like vomiting.

I didn’t really remember where I have ended up yesterday. When my eyes finally got accustomed to the bright light outside I realized that I had been sleeping in a big room with a modern touch, stylish furniture and eggshell colored walls, like in a fancy magazine. You know the type that you could find in Modern Architecture.

But the thing that got me going was the fact that I was not alone in the bed. Beside me was a snoring man in his forties, half naked and with a big tattoo on his right shoulder. An ugly eagle.

Then I looked down on my own body, I was still dressed, thank God, in my light yellow silk dress that now more looked like a worn nightgown, all wrinkly and stained.
Oh dear, I wonder what these stains came from?

I tried really hard but could not remember anything about him or the night that passed. How did I end up here? Who was this guy?

I was now sitting up and the hammer in my head started to pound in my forehead, so strong that my eyes became watery. Was I crying?

My last memory from yesterday was at a party at a friend of Janice. It was really close to her home in Manhattan so we had walked there. It was a really nice summer night and I remember that we where looking up at the sky and talked about what we would do this holiday.

I realized that I have to go to the bathroom. So I slowly put down my feet on the creamy, fluffy carpet, my legs look almost as pale. Then I realized that I had some strange marks at my ankles. I tried too look down on my feet but my aching head stopped me.

Bathroom first
I had absolutely no idea where the bathroom where, I had never been here before.
I started to feel a little nervous, unease. But I had to pee. That was more important in that moment.

I opened the first door I found. Luckily it was a big bathroom, with pink marbled walls and floors.
So I then entered and did what I had to do. But sitting there I looked out of the window. And then I felt like I freeze, a chilling sensation begun to creep up my spine.

What I saw outside was a big lake or something, mountains and some forest in the background. And all was cowered with a lot of snow!

Dreams of sun

I cant really live well in the cold. But I have to I guess, as a swede. I have never really like to live in a cold country. I used to live in Italy for some years and that was really nice.
So just now I have to start plan my next trip abroad. Maybe India or China. Have not decided yet.
Here is a nice reminder of what I was looking at just some month ago, Thailand.

It is snowy and cold outside today. A perfect day to start a blog. But it is warm inside here in front of my computer. I would love to write some more, but I have to showel some snow...
I will write more later today. Promise.
All the best for now.

First day with my new blog

Snow outside. Cold outside but warm inside. But I must say I prefer the summer. Wherever in the world. Just feel the heat...

I have so much to write but I am going to save that for a little bit later. So hang on there, just hang on.